Saturday, August 2, 2008

Airports

This summer I have spent what is, for me, an unusual amount of time in airports. All totaled, I’ve made six airline flights in three months’ time. My assessment: ARGGHHH!

Maybe the best approach is to take it airport by airport –

JFK in New York – What a joke! I arrived at about 9:00 PM, having just BARELY missed my connection from Atlanta to London. (I’ll speak more later about that connection.) I RUSHED to my gate only to find that my flight to London had just departed, and I was directed to “Gate 24 for re-ticketing.” Well, I proceeded to Gate 24, but I couldn’t find it! I found Gate 23, and I found Gate 25, and between the two of them was this longer than usual counter behind which were several (four?) agents, spread out the length of the counter and serving customers who formed a LONG line in front of the counter. I asked the last guy in line if this was “Gate 24 for re-ticketing,” and he replied that everybody was sort of assuming that it was, since there was no sign and there was nobody to ask without interrupting the INTENSE conversations that were taking place up at the counter. Then the guy (a very nice guy, I might add) added that the line was VERY slow and that one woman customer had been at the counter for an hour and fifteen minutes. Everybody in line seemed really unsure about whether this line really was for re-ticketing and whether we were wasting our time even standing in it. And there was nobody to ask, and no signage. Well, I was pretty sure that there was another flight leaving for London in about fifteen minutes, but I gave up on that one and decided to wait it out in the line. That I did for about half an hour. During that time I witnessed one of the agents exhibiting the rudest, most unnecessary behavior I’ve seen from a “professional” person in a long time. First, she gave a LONG sermon to some guy who had missed his flight because he was late getting to the airport. I mean, she went ON and ON – while the poor guy repented and repented and repented – and the rest of us waited and waited and waited. Then, as if that weren’t bad enough, she started BLESSING OUT some other agent’s customer, accusing him of “pretending not to speak English.” She kept saying, “I know I heard you speak better English to one of your buddies a while ago. You’re just pretending that you don’t speak good English!” And, again, she went on and on. I don’t see how the poor guy took it without ATTACKING her! I knew I sure wanted to!

One of the worst parts of this whole scene is that there was absolutely nobody to ask if this was even the proper line. The agents were all tied up at the counter. Occasionally some other employee or two would saunter up, but they ignored folks’ questions. Mostly they just schmoozed. I saw LOTS of schmoozing on the part of employees there at Gate 24 at JFK.

Okay, so I FINALLY got up to the counter and, thank god, I got a decent agent who re-ticketed me for London, for the next morning. She seemed to honestly try to get me a hotel room comped, but her boss (the rude agent) decided that I was not due a comped room since the reason for my late flight from Atlanta was not Delta’s fault. The official reason was “flight delay due to crowded air space.” So I’m thinking, so whose fault is that? GOD’S?!? Did GOD sell all those tickets?! But there seemed to be no way they were going to give me a free hotel room, and I wasn’t sure I wanted one anyway, so I didn’t pursue that line. By now it was midnight, my flight to London was scheduled for early morning, so I figured that by the time I got to a hotel and then got back, I would have spent only an hour or so IN the hotel – so I made the decision to wait out the night in the airport. So did lots of other people.

Oh, the nice agent who had re-ticketed me told me to make SURE – and she emphasized this again and again – to check back at the same desk when it re-opened at 4:30 the next morning.

As I bedded down there on a chair, I would have felt like a totally pitiful homeless person except that I looked around and saw a number of other folks, most of which looked like perfectly upstanding citizens caught in situations similar to mine. And then I started to realize that I was even a whole lot better off than many of them – ‘cause I didn’t have little children with me (some did), and I am not elderly or disabled (some were). A female employee came around and threw us blankets. I must have looked particularly needy, ‘cause she threw me two – an act which I later came to really appreciate.

Well, I made it through the night, spending a lot of time wondering why American airports don’t feature those little berth/cell-like rental beds that the Japanese have – or so I’ve seen on tv. I still wonder that. Had one been available, I’d have sprung for it, for sure!

So, I did make it through the night, there near Gate 24, and I “arose” before 4:30 to be there when Gate 24 re-opened. Well, it was closer to 5:00 before it opened, and I lucked out and got a VERY nice and helpful young male agent who told me that it was a good thing I came to the desk this morning, ‘cause I really had not been re-ticketed the night before. (I had suspected not, because I was not given a boarding pass.) So, the young man did re-ticket me for the 9:00 AM flight to London, which I made.

When I arrived at Heathrow the next night, though, my luggage was not there. It was delivered to my address in England the next evening.

Now, let me back up and try to explain how I arrived late at JFK in the first place. I was ticketed to fly Delta from Atlanta to JFK, and then on to London, but I noticed before I left home that per my ticket, three hours was allowed for the flight from Atlanta to New York. I said to my husband, “Three hours? It doesn’t take three hours to fly to New York. Whassup wid dat?” Well, he surely didn’t know – so I just let my question drop and showed up at the Atlanta Airport well in advance of my scheduled 4:00 PM departure. Well, once I got there and waited until well past 4:00 and the place still hadn’t loaded, I figured out what the three-hour deal was: Two separate flights were scheduled for that same gate, within that time span – and Delta was trying to “compress” my flight with another one. At least, I THINK that’s what happened. And it wound up taking so long to combine the two flights and get us off the ground that I missed my connection in New York. Damn it, Delta – If I’m supposed to leave Atlanta at 4:00, I should leave Atlanta at 4:00! Ya know?!

If you’re still hanging in with me in this story, you may be saying, “Well, all this is Delta’s fault, not JFK’s” and you may be right. I’m not quite sure where one’s responsibility ends and the other begins. But I’ll say this to JFK: Whassup with the MIRRORS?! As soon as I stepped off the flight from Atlanta, rushing for my gate for the flight to London, I (and all the other rushing passengers with me) the first thing I encountered in the corridor of the airport was MIRRORS! If there’s one thing airport corridors do NOT need, it’s mirrors. I mean, do we need to have the place any more confusing than by nature it is anyway?! Do we need the place to look as if it contains any more folks than it already does? I just do NOT get it with the mirrors in JFK. And they weren’t just on the walls – they were on columns, which made things even more confusing.

I do need to add that despite the fact that I saw lots of schmoozing on the part of employees at JFK, and I did witness the one incredibly unprofessional agent, I also encountered two MOST HELPFUL employees. One was the woman who drove the golf cart thingie. I never take one of those things, but she saw that I was rushing, and she stopped and offered me a ride, she seemed to know exactly where to take me, and she made every effort to get me there, being most pleasant to me and to everybody else along the way. Then, the young woman who first helped me at Gate 24 was helpful (though I guess she gave me a bogus ticket?), and the young man who helped me the next morning was particularly helpful and cordial. So thank y’all – I wish I had your names so that I could write Delta. And, oh yeah, the woman who threw me two blankets. Thank y’all!

HEATHROW
An even bigger joke. My first complaint with Heathrow concerns signage and terminology. I arrived at one terminal and needed to go to another in order to catch my bus to Oxford. Well, it seems that Heathrow uses no less than FIVE different terms to refer to that in-house free transport: Heathrow Connect, Heathrow Express, the underground, the train, the subway. And, to make matters even more confusing, THE TUBE is also there (You know, the main London mass transport system.), and some of the same terminology is used for it! TOTALLY confusing – and I speak English (though a distinctively Southern varitety, I admit). I felt totally sorry for those folks who didn’t speak English and wondered how IN THE WORLD they ever found their way around.

Signage problems extended way beyond the confusing terminology for the train. Signs were lost among other commercial signage, signs were absent – the whole thing was totally confusing. And the routing was RIDICULOUS. I didn’t have any luggage on my trip TO Heathrow because it had been lost in transit from JFK, but on my trip home I had to DRAG my damn luggage all over Heathrow Airport in order to get to the right terminal. I, and TONS OF OTHER PEOPLE, had to drag our luggage onto and off of crowded elevators (I swear we went up sometimes and then back down sometimes.), down long corridors, around lots of unmarked turns and bends. RIDICULOUS.

And that damn Heathrow Express or Connect or whatever it is? MORE RIDICULOUS. It’s outfitted like a commuter train, with lots of seats and almost no room for luggage. Now, ain’t it a fact that anybody riding a train around in the bowels of an airport will have some luggage? Take a clue from Atlanta, folks, and get you some decent trains!

Oh, another thing about those damn Heathrow trains is the “Mind your step” area. There’s at least a four-inch gap between the edge of the train and the platform. With wheeled luggage, that’s deadly. I deliberately compared that detail to the trains in Atlanta, where it’s EASY to wheel your luggage onto and off the train.

Again, Heathrow, get you some new trains!

Then, at the Gates, well, more ridiculous. First, there’s nowhere to sit! There are a few scattered “lounges,” but they feature only a FEW seats. Apparently at Heathrow they don’t assign gates until just before boarding, so you’re urged to (and have to) keep constantly checking the boards to see which will be your departure gate. Well, “the boards” are not visible from the few seats that exist, so if you get up to check the boards you wind up losing a place to sit! MORE RIDICULOUS.

I swear, I think this area of Heathrow is deliberately designed to keep everybody up and moving about and SHOPPING in the shops there.

I will say that the guy at the lost luggage desk was very helpful and reassuring, and my lost luggage (left behind at JFK) was eventually brought to me. I phoned to check on it a couple of times, and each time the person on the phone was helpful and was able to tell me exactly where my luggage was. So thank you, Delta Lost Baggage Department.

ATLANTA
I love you, Atlanta Airport! Maybe it’s just ‘cause you’re my “regular” airport, and the one I’m most familiar with, but I swear I think you just do it better than most. Even though the place is humongous, the signage is clear and direct. The in-house train thingie works spectacularly well and is super easy to get to and to understand. I do admit that it takes a LONG time for your luggage to get to the carousel in Atlanta, and folks were really complaining about that the other day – but that’s weak stuff compared to what I experienced at JFK and at Heathrow.

LAGUARDIA
I’m always amazed at how well LaGuardia does it. My only complaint about LaGuardia is a sort of petty one – that once you get through security and are waiting at your gate, there’s not much to eat. Now, that may sound petty, but nowadays, when you’re encouraged to get to the airport so early, and when so little food is served in-flight, it’s even more important than ever that airports have at least SOME decent food that passengers can buy before they fly. Offerings at LaGuardia, particularly at some of the terminals, are slim. But that’s my only complaint, LaGuardia. I love how you do everything else. I love how close Ground Transportation is to Baggage Claim. I love how organized Ground Transportation is. I love that there are not LONG distances to cover. I love that signage is clear. So thank you, LaGuardia – Hope to see you soon!

Lastly, I apologize to all my patient readers who've made it this far -- but I had just had to get it said, ya know? I feel better now.

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